Every year a growing number of self-help books are published.  Many of these wonderful books provide guidance for solving your problems, inspiration on how to achieve your fondest dreams, help in developing your innate talents, and tools and techniques for creating your world the way you want it to be. You’d think with all this wonderful information we’d all be much happier, but we aren’t. An alarming number of people who read these books continue to live lives of “quiet desperation,” unable to make desired changes in the condition of their lives. Why is this?  Why can’t we simply apply the principles suggested in the books, thereby improving our lives and the lives of those around us?

Martin Seligman gives us some insight into this problem in his book, The Optimistic Child. He says, “Pessimism is an entrenched habit of mind that has sweeping and disastrous consequences: depressed mood, resignation, underachievement, and even unexpectedly poor physical health.  Pessimism is not shaken in the natural course of life’s ups and downs. Rather, it hardens with each setback and soon becomes self-fulfilling.” He also says, “One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last 20 years is that individuals can choose the way they think.” And the way we think will determine our actions, which in turn will determine our happiness.

Changing “entrenched” habits calls for powerful change methods. Methods that fit into our harried and hurried lives. Methods that compel us to continue using them because we see results. 

My aunt Sherry says, “You can’t just read a cookbook and expect dinner to be done.” Nor can you simply read a book and expect change to happen. You need to have a program that incorporates discipline over time, because discipline and time are critical to changing entrenched habits.

I learned this through personal experience. As a teenager, I was always very shy around strangers. Even as an adult, I would go to parties and spend all night either hiding out behind the buffet table or talking with my husband for fear that I would actually have to speak with people I didn’t know. I had no idea what to say. I admired the way others carried on such animated conversations and wished I knew their secret. Having little control over my predicament was very depressing.

One day while driving home after a particularly difficult social situation, I pulled off to the side of the road and began sobbing uncontrollably. I felt helpless. I was 26 years old. I wanted so badly to be involved in the world, but I didn’t know what to do.

In the midst of my tears, I remembered that after my father-in-law Eddy had taken a course in public speaking, he became a very friendly, outgoing person. Right then I decided that if Eddy could make that change, so could I!  I wiped my tears away, started the car, and drove to the nearest bookstore to buy a book on public speaking. (No way was I going to take a class. Yikes! I might have to get up and speak in front of people!)

What happened after that was, for me, nothing short of a miracle. First, I learned how to listen. Then I learned how to speak to people. Soon I could draw anyone into a conversation and, as a result, I began to look forward to meeting new people. For the first time I had control over my life. I was no longer a helpless victim!

With my success in using a self-help book, I began to wonder what made my situation different. Why was I able to make such a profound change when I saw so many others who couldn’t? As I considered this, I realized that I had, without being aware of it, developed a method for applying new information in my daily life. A systematic method that I used to create a new habit to replace my old habit.

As my aunt Sherry says, “There’s a lot that goes on between reading a recipe and sitting down to a delicious meal.” The same with self-help books and classes. There’s a lot that has to happen between learning what to do and achieving results.

Today I teach management, leadership, problem-solving, and people skills to corporate personnel. A few years ago, the most frustrating part of my job was to see students get very engaged in and enthusiastic about the course, then walk out the door and not apply their learning in their everyday lives. Why? What kept them from implementing what they had learned?

I realized that I needed to develop tools, so my clients could make the lasting positive changes they wanted. I decided to experiment with the same method I had used when I was trying to overcome my shyness. Thus, the HabitBuilder was born.  

When participants used the HabitBuilder they began to find continuity from one class to the next. They maintained their excitement and were eager to share their outside-of-class success stories.

When my dad had recovered from his surgeries he initially found it very difficult to apply himself to his postoperative walking exercises. I showed him my system and how to apply it to his program. Using the HabitBuilder motivated my father to follow his exercise program. Instead of sitting in his chair when I came over, he would enthusiastically get up to demonstrate his progress.

To let go of entrenched, nonproductive habits and create habits that will take you to your life’s desire, you must practice your new habits. The HabitBuilder is a 90-day program designed to provide you with an easy, motivational method for doing just that.